Right now,
I hate myself.
I hate everything about me.
I hate that I'm not beautiful,
I hate that I don't feel special,
I hate that I hate myself,
I hate everything about me.
I feel like I have,
This ball of depression,
Pushing down on the top of my lungs,
And my spine.
I don't know what to do,
It makes me feel sick.
And all I want to do,
Is vomit up my emotions.
And I have these notions,
That life isn't worth living,
When you're not living life,
But what is worth living life for?
I feel as if I have this fog,
Covering my brain,
And blinding my eyes,
And I hate it.
I hate feeling like no one cares,
I hate feeling like I've fixed me,
Just to find myself breaking apart.
I hate not knowing exactly how I feel and why,
Because it's all some tangled web.
I hate feeling like I'm going insane,
And there's nothing I can do to stop it.
I hate crying,
and how weak it makes me feel.
I hate feeling like I should be dying,
When my heart doesn't seem to care.
I hate people asking me what's wrong,
Because they're curious,
Not because they actually care.
I hate that when I look in the mirror,
All I can see is this broken wreck of my former self,
Who isn't anything like the person I want to be.
I hate that I never feel good enough,
And that I'm a failure to myself and everyone around me.
I hate that I'm always sick,
And that I never really feel perfectly good.
And if I do,
Someone is always waiting patiently,
To crush it, along with my heart.
I hate having my emotions chase me,
Just to find out I'm chasing them,
And they're leading me in a circle.
I hate it when people tell me something,
But they know they don't really mean it.
And I hate it when people won't admit,
Exactly how they feel,
Because they're just too afraid.
I hate people who have to make stupid jokes,
Every chance they get,
Because they can't handle how they feel.
I hate feeling like I'm the only one on earth,
Who understands how I feel,
Or who even cares.
I hate feeling this way,
And I hate hating everything.
I hate writing poetry,
And then feeling like it's faulty,
Just like me.
I hate being told to be positive,
When I hate it.