How could you do it,
It doesn't make any sense.
And while we're standing here,
Cold and alone,
We're wondering what we could have done,
To change the situation.
What were you thinking that made you change,
What made you go corrupt,
For a minute, a moment,
That's now changed your life.
Are you really just that sick,
That wrong, plain fucked up.
Did the memories of your friends and your family,
Not come flooding back to you in a rush.
Did you not stop,
For just a second,
And think about what you were doing.
Did you revel in it,
Feel good about it,
Or did you break down and cry,
Maybe even die a little,
Once you realized what you'd done.
Why did you take his life.
Was it worth it?
We have so many questions for you,
But you're so far away,
And no one else can give us the answers we crave.
Did you think about us as you ran,
About the good times,
Even the bad.
Did the thoughts make you regret what you'd done,
What you knew would come in your future,
What you knew you'd never see again.
Did you realize that we would all lose sleep,
Be angry and frustrated and confused,
And maybe even cry a while.
Did you think you would be in my nightmares,
Plaguing me,
When you used to always just be there,
For all of us.
I keep questioning myself,
My sanity and my judgement,
Should I have seen it all along.
It doesn't make any sense,
And I want to scream at you about it,
Make you tell me what you were thinking,
What went through your head.
Please give me some reason not to hate you,
Give me some reason,
Not to want you dead.
You were my friend,
But if you'd been anybody else,
I would have been happy you were going to jail,
So why should I feel so confused now.
It still doesn't make any sense,
And I'll never be given the answers.
You'll lie,
You both will,
Because it's all you can think to do.
Even at the trial I'll scream in denial,
Of the facts that prove everything you did.
I don't want to believe it,
Please don't make me,
Please just let it end.
Don't do this to me,
Please be lying,
I'm not sure if I can ever fix this.
Am I a bad person for trusting you,
Spending my time with you,
Talking to you and believing in you,
Even when no one else did.
Are we bad people for being your friends?
Are we the only one's doubting ourselves for this?
What are you thinking,
As you sit there,
Knowing you're not getting out.
I'm dying and I hope you know it,
And in public I'm afraid to show it,
Because we're looked down upon now,
Everywhere we go,
If they knew we were your friend.
What do I say,
To that poor guys family,
If I ever see them.
That you used to be a good guy?
That I was the friend of a murderer?
That other then killing your son,
He'd never done anything wrong?
Am I a bad person,
For having cared about you and your feelings.
You just don't know what it's like.
You can hide away from the world,
Safe for having hurt someone so bad,
But we have to live on,
Live on with your memory and the things we did,
Live on with our feelings and confusion,
Live on with our questions that have no answers.
I thought I knew you,
But the person I knew,
Would have never done anything so terrible,
Not to anyone.
I used to believe you would protect me,
From any dangers in the world,
But I didn't realize all along,
That you were the person I needed to be protected from.
I don't have anything left to say,
Any breath left to breathe,
And all of the things that you did with me,
Are going to stay inside my dreams.
I wish that I could stop thinking of the good,
And just believe you were bad,
How could you have been my friend,
How could I call you such,
And how could I stand here and want to talk to you,
Want to protect you,
Want to deny it all.
Just pretend,
Maybe just pretend,
That this man that's my friend,
Would never be a murderer.